“Easy Peasy Ben Simmons Knees suck.” It’s not a traditional saying, but it’s a true one, just like “An apple a day keeps George Karl away” or “Red fish, blue fish, free throws, Dame missed”.

The NBA is a trade lovers dream league, providing us with the perfect mix of trades and free-agent signings. If you’re unaware of the amazing tool that is the NBA Trade Machine, I would highly recommend poking around.

There’s so much effing wasted talent in the NBA it’s impossible not to get upset watching Devin Booker pull up casually from the logo and think “Oh yeah, the Suns are still a franchise”.

Devin Booker to a Big Market

I hate the Knicks and I think they are just absolutely the worst run franchise in the NBA considering the size of the market and the talent that’s done through the doors, but that market deserves a STUD to pair with R.J. Barrett. The Suns are a talented young team, but we can’t pretend they have success banging on their door anytime soon. Julius Randle is a middle of the road player and I personally really like Elfrid Payton. Ellington is just a toss in for guard depth at this point but I think we can all agree, get Devin Booker to another franchise sooner rather than later.

76ers Move On From Simmons

Asterisk – Ben Simmons is IMPOSSIBLE to move on this thing.

Look, I know I continuously shit on the Sixers and the city of Philly as a whole, but it’s just time for a new venture. The Process is a complete sham of a dream that I will admit was one bounce of the ball from a potential NBA Finals appearance, but they recently let too many players walk for me to believe in Embiid and Simmons anymore. Their money is tied into the backcourt with Harris and Horford there and if Simmons can’t stroke from deep, he’s a weird fit for that team. In this matchup, I literally gave up in the end but I won’t agree that the Sixers are worse after this move. They add Dipo and Brogdon who will help that guard spot instantly. The Mavs ride out high on T.J. Warren’s recent success, and the Pacers add two big pieces for an Eastern team that can win now. Try trading Ben Simmons. Jesus.

John Wall Finds a New Home

On my life, John Wall made every team worse with their rankings so I’m just not even worrying about that for this one. The Spurs are solid, but largely lack the luster (alliteration plus) of their former years. I think Derozan has found himself again, but Patty Mills isn’t the best backcourt partner for the LA native. John Wall still has some gas in the tank and I don’t believe Aldridge is still successful so boom…new PG for Pop.

The Westbrook Experiment Ends

I’m a massive fan of the Rockets current roster, but I don’t forsee Russ ending his career there naturally. The Orlando Magic have a nice young core and adding a guy like Westbrook to the locker room would absolutely destroy that, but watching Russ ball out in retro Magic jersey’s is a dream come true. Vucevic is a finesse big man who has the potential to stroke, so although he doesn’t exactly fit the small ball narrative adding him is never a mistake. Also, we helped the Rockets win more games. Boom.

The Rich Get Richer (except for wins)

How on God’s green Earth would losing Andrew Wiggins cost the Warriors (who have the number one pick mind you) 31 games? I kind of understand how losing LaVine and Markkanen cost the Bulls 15 wins, but you can’t tell me the Bulls wouldn’t be happy with a swing man like Wiggins. Honestly, I love this move for the Warriors. Both of those incoming guys can throw up the three ball sticking to the splash bros narrative and the Bulls have Coby White in the wings waiting for the starting spot. Also, I tried a million other trades and nothing happened so let’s just trade Wiggins because it feels like he’ll be traded anyways.