Sorry Bros…Mark Cuban Won’t be Buying the Pirates

It’s just like…I know it wasn’t ever really going to happen, but it’s like when you see a package on your doorstep of your parents place and although you didn’t order anything, and it’s not your birthday, and it clearly says “FOR MARCIA WHITEN”, and it’s from Bed Bath and Beyond, you still kind sorta hope it’s for you.

Mark Cuban is the bro bro God from Pittsburgh, hailing from My. Lebo and unleashing his fratty business style on the world when he bought a bar while attending IUP for a cool $15,000, quickly turning that bar into the best bar the college had at that time. Boss shit. It’s called Motley’s and I’ve never been, so someone let me know if it’s still dank sauce.

Mark then sold his first startup, MicroSolutions for a clean six million smackaroooos. He bought a lifetime pass on American Airlines and vowed to retire and see the world. BOSS. This pass, fun fact, was only $250,000 in 1981. wow.

The rest as we all know is just boss ass stuff. He started more companies, bought the Mavs, got on Shark Tank and continues to be the man. One major wish though is that Cuban comes home and buys a team in the lovely city of Pittsburgh.

Many people have tried to bring a team here, and we always thought that Cub’s (pronounced Cue-b’s for you nerds who said Cuh-b’s) would be the man to do it. When the Pirates fans started to riot about the current owner, Bob Nutting, there was a slim chance that Mark was the next man to take the Pirates ownership over.

F*** Bob Nutting. Just wanted to throw that in there.

Sadly boys and girls, Cuban has said he has no interest in the purchase. He inquired about the team back in 2005, but they “weren’t for sale”. Damnit. One part I wasn’t crazy about in this interview with Jason Mackey

“I don’t think their management is nearly as bad as diehard fans make it out to be,” Cuban wrote. “Once they had time to develop their farm system, they have been able to develop good young talent. This losing streak aside, they have been competing in a tough division.”

Meh. Maybe we’ll get an NBA team still with the man. Or, better yet, just move the Mavs here. I love me some Luka Doncic.

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