Ah, my favorite the slimiest college coach in the world is back in the news once again.

At the end of the interview while discussing Meyer, Thompson is asked if he believes the former Buckeye head coach will be back in the future.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Thompson replied without missing a beat. “Oh, yeah. And by the way, I don’t think he’s lying. I think right now he absolutely believes he will not coach again. And I think that he loves to be a coach. To be great as a modern coach, he has to be really a different — he has to be somebody he doesn’t like. And so I think you’re just seeing something incredibly private play out in public.”

247 Sports

Now, I realize I’m a little late on this news considering this quote came out a week ago. But I felt like it was my civic duty to write about it. Is Urban Meyer done coaching college football? Absolutely f*****g not.

Just back in January, it was rumored that Meyer would take over at USC after the program fired Clay Helton:

Meyer, who said he believes he’ll never coach again, will be the top candidate to replace Helton. Meyer, 54, won more than 90 percent of his games at Ohio State, never lost to rival Michigan and won three Big Ten titles and the 2014 national championship.

Meyer isn’t going to sit around and do nothing, and it’s not like he hasn’t changed his mind about retirement before.

247 Sports

While this never quite came to fruition, the rumors about Meyer taking over at other major programs are still floating around:

The sketchy ending to Meyer’s tenure at Ohio State might be enough for Notre Dame to avoid contact with Meyer altogether. That aside, it is likely that he rumors of Meyer to Notre Dame aren’t completely gone forever.


Meyer has also been known to flee NCAA controversy before (*cough cough* Florida *cough cough*):


That’s how Urban Meyer described the Florida program at the end of the 2010 regular season – shortly before he resigned, citing health issues. Considering all of the success during Meyer’s tenure, it was a startling admission.

USA Today

He was also seen partying at the LIV Night Club in Miami just months after his retirement at Ohio State:

Not even two months into his retirement due to serious health concerns, it appears that the time off has done wonders for Urban Meyer’s stress levels. I’m not a doctor, but I would imagine that nausea-inducing strobe lights that can cause seizures would not be recommended for a person that couldn’t even stand on the sidelines for the latter half of the year (when the defense wasn’t playing well).

Barstool Sports

Yup, just what the doctor ordered for those painful, career-ending migraines: strobe lights in a Miami night club. Someone let me know who his doctor is so I can make him my primary care physician. PARTY TIME FOR SMALLS.

Let me address my obvious bias on the subject. Yes, I am an avid Penn State football fan and Urban Liar has been the main source of my sadness the last three seasons and beyond. He terrorized the Nittany Lion fan base and took every possible ounce of satisfaction from doing it. However, if his OSU departure wasn’t the second time he fled the scene of the crime, I probably wouldn’t be writing this. He fled Gainesville before the storm hit, and his departure from Columbus was also a little smelly due to the Zach Smith scandal.

Gainesville is the place where Meyer allowed player misconduct to fester even as he won those national titles. Gainesville is the place of numerous arrests of Meyer’s Florida players for a range of crimes, including alleged domestic abuse.

Gainesville is the place where Meyer maybe first perfected his god complex, that he knew best and that he could guide a football team to victory and virtue at once. Gainesville is the place where bad man Aaron Hernandez was harbored and even Bible counseled by Meyer, years before Hernandez was convicted of murder and committed suicide in prison.

Tampa Bay Times

Meyer knows how to duck and weave with the best of them. Put him in the ring against Tyson in his prime and Urban would probably find a way to just duck under the rope, leave the arena without getting knocked, and still walk away with the belt. It’s a talent that you should envy.

Before you know it, he’ll be at another major power-five program ruining things behind the scenes. And once again, he won’t get caught. My guess is that it’ll be somewhere like USC, Notre Dame, Texas A&M, Florida State, or Ole Miss (to name a few). And no one will say a thing.

Urban Meyer is a sneaky little bee. Buzz buzz.

PS: I realize his departure from OSU won’t change the fact that my Nittany Lions will still be dominated by Ryan Day for years to come. It’s just not fair. College football just isn’t fair.