NFL Draft: Smalls’ Round 1 Prop Bets (As It Happened)

7:59 pm: *cracks 2nd crispy Mickey Ultra of the night in excitement*

Jerry Jeudy as 1st WR picked + Jedrick Wills as 1st OL picked (+250)

8:50 pm: …Giants went with the 3rd best lineman in the draft at pick #4… I hate Gettleman with the passion of a thousand suns. Off to a hot start.

9:42 pm: Ruggs to Vegas. Wrong on all fronts. Whiskey is my only friend tonight. *takes a swig*

Either Chase Young, Isiah Simmons, or Jeff Okudah not picked in the Top 10 (+400)

8:40 pm: Two of these guys off the board early, not a shock though. Went according to script, to a tee. Took this strictly based on the possibility of teams not LOVING Simmons. Just hoping karma comes back to get that fake-Christian Dabo Swinney and his crew of juicers (see article here).

9:11 pm: LET’S GO. Derrick Brown to the Panthers. Was definitely worried about them going with Simmons. Smart move Matt Rhule, you crudely dressed savant.

9:16 pm: F**K YOU, ARIZONA. Are you kidding me?! Your O-Line was Swiss cheese and gave up 48 sacks last year?! How are you not gonna protect your #1 pick?! I hate gambling.

9:23 pm: *cracks fresh bottle of whiskey*

Kenneth Murray to be drafted by the Baltimore Ravens (+275)

10:41 pm: Murray was just listed as the 4th best player available at pick 20. Might be cuttin’ it close, fellas. Still alive though, and man I’m clinging onto this like Pitt clings to their 8 national championships before 1940.

11:02 pm: … Murray to the Chargers at 23… *shot* *immediately thinks about waking up for “essential” work at 6 am tomorrow* *whatever, let’s ride*

Denzel Mims to be drafted in the 1st round (-175)

10:45 pm: Not even close to panicking yet at pick 21.

11:09 pm: Seriously, not even worried through 24 picks, quit asking.

11:30 pm: Officially hitting the panic button on this one. *cracks an ice cold Bud Light Black Cherry Seltzer* *cue the Roger Goodell boos (because of that one commercial, come on guys)*

11:53 pm: *nervous laughing*

12:10 am: Unbelievable. “First round sleeper” my a**.

12:11 am: *shot* *realizing I’ve been a lightweight since graduating from Penn State*

Alabama and LSU have a combined 9+ players drafted in the 1st round (+125)

9:34 pm: Only a combined three picks in this category thus far (Burrow, Tua, Wills). Feeling decent through 10 picks, folks.

10:25 pm: Five picks through 17, kinda nervous. *another tall glass of whiskey*

10:51 pm: No closer on this one… *whiskey’d again*

10:57 pm: Seven through 22 picks. Might just scrape by on this bet, just like Mike Gundy at Oklahoma State. *takes shot, let’s ride*

11:36 pm: Incredible. Have to get two out of the final five picks coming from the Dirty South. *Alexa, play “Save Tonight” by Eagle-Eye Cherry*

11:43 pm: PATTY QUEEN BABYYYY. TO THE RAVENS. Somehow still alive through 28 picks. At least I’ll break even (except not really at all).

12:02 am: Well the Dolphins just took a kid because his parents were track Olympians.

12:03 am: I mean who is this guy.. TCU has been irrelevant since Andy Dalton played in the Rose Bowl and Treyvone Boykin got into legal trouble.

12:05 am: Moment of truth *shot*

12:11 pm: LETS GOOOOOOOO. Let’s f*****g go Andy Reid you cheeseburger-shoveling saint! CLYDE EDWARDS-HELAIRE! UNBELEIVABLE. IT FINALLY HIT!

Record for Thursday Night: 1 for 5. Not great. *shot*

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