Potential Outcomes for AB’s Life After Football

So AB has announced he is “done with the NFL”.

Which is clearly a mutual feeling with the league. AB said a while back that he “doesn’t need football”, so let’s see what his most realistic options are without the game.

5. McDonalds Employee

McDonalds’ mass employment rate offers a lot of good opportunities to plenty of people. And with how much AB likes to “serve up shit” this could be a great option. Seeing as that Brown also has pissed away his reputation, you just might find the former Pro-Bowler starting your morning off with a McGriddle.

4. Longest Yard Remake, but Real Life

If AB does end up in the clink, you know he’s gonna get extra attention due to his social status. I could see a production in the works of a remake of The Longest Yard but ACTUALLY have Antonio comprise a team of convicts and play some guards. The game would for sure be televised and would be a goddamn hoot. 6ix9ine would be the informant to the guards, and Meek Mill would make a surprise return, win MVP over AB and cause AB to most likely extend his stay in the state pen.

3. Reality TV

AB has already been on dancing with the stars, and has made guest appearances on several shows. He clearly craves the limelight with outlandish outbursts like dying his stache the color of most coffee creamers, making illiterate cameo videos, and all of the “movies” he makes from phone calls and meetings with the Steelers, Raiders and Pats. He obviously has a knack for drama. I could see him on a reboot of Surreal Life, Jersey Shore, or his own show on a network that doesn’t have much going for them. Maybe Spin or something like that. Regardless he loves attention, so that might be the move for him.

2. Back to His Roots: Outlaw

Before Antonio Brown came into the NFL, he had some off the field legal problems before and during college. It was kept pretty low key, but his recent publicity has taken us back to simpler and more illegal times. I could see AB just saying “fuck it” and becoming a kingpin or gang leader and learn the tips of gang life in secrecy from Marvin Harrison. He’ll be BOOMIN yo ass then “calling God” when somebody claps back.

1.Straight Up Jail

His most recent drama has been about some sexual assault cases from a while back. He apparently tried to force himself on a trainer, followed by a few more stories that came forward. He also farted in some doctors face which, even though it’s hilarious, proves he’s into some weird shit. He got cut by the Patriots. THE FUCKIN PATS CUT HIM. If New England gets rid of you, then you’re DEFINITELY guilty. They take convicts, washed up players, and no names and turn their careers around so if that team out of everyone cuts you, ya done boyyyy. AB probably did that shit if ol rug and tug himself, Robert Kraft kicked him to the curb. So realistically he’s probably gonna end up prosecuted for that or more stories will surface and he’ll just be a famous cell mate.

Who truly knows where AB’s life will take him? But I don’t see it going anywhere but down… he’s got a long road ahead of him and the options I listed are probably all he has. But he’ll be ok, he “doesn’t need football” remember? We’ll see.

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Written by benfiore

Sports writer for Thoughts From the Bench. Specializing in NBA and UFC coverage. Author of the NBA focused column, "Beyond the Arc". Bridging the gap between comedy and accurate sports content for your enjoyment.

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