Big news broke out of the NFL today, Jets starting QB will miss Monday’s big game against the Cleveland Browns with mono, the team announced. With the Monday Night Game right around the corner, its a huge loss for an already injury laden Jets team.
So that begs the question, who gave Sam Darnold mono?
Being the lead “investigative journalist” for TFTB, I have dug relentlessly into this story since it broke earlier this morning and have began asking the tough questions that other journalists are too afraid to ask.
The main question being, who did this to Sam Darnold? Who gave Sam Darnold mono?
After my digging, questioning and research, I have come up with three culprits who did this to Sam Darnold.
-TOM BRADY – QUARTERBACK, NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
The Patriots, notorious for a “win at any cost” mentality, have the greatest quarterback in NFL history who is also notorious for kissing his son on the lips. Would it surprise anyone if Bill Belichick had another trick up his sleeve and set up a romantic date for two, just to get a division rival quarterback sick and give the Patriots an edge for the rest of the season? No, it really wouldn’t. After signing Antonio Brown (and probably orchestrating his release from Oakland) nothing is beneath Belichick and the Patriots at this point.
-CLAIRE KIRKSEY – HIS GIRLFRIEND
This is an obvious contender, as it’s his girlfriend. I am not going to spend much time speculating on why it could be his girlfriend that gave him mono, but there’s a chance that it could have been his girlfriend that gave him mono.
-COLIN COWHERD – HOST, THE HERD WITH COLIN COWHERD
Now to get down to the thick of things, our lead suspect: Colin Cowherd. Mr. Cowherd is a not so quiet lover and admirer of the Jets’ quarterback, and has professed his love for him many times on his nationally syndicated radio show. His obsession with Darnold is almost as creepy as his hatred for Browns’ quarterback, Baker Mayfield.
Given the opportunity, you would have to assume that Cowherd would take his chance on a young Darnold, someone he has admired for a very long time. Disgusting to say the least, if you ask me (and the rest of America.)
Without a shadow of a doubt, it had to have been Cowherd, there is no other option.
But in all seriousness, I hope Darnold gets better soon and he is out there slinging it for the Jets.
And fuck you Cowherd, from all of Cleveland.