Insert Bad Luck Pun Here – The Capt Has Retired

In arguably the wildest sports story in recent memory, the game’s elite has set down his sword and shield and will retire to travel the world. Andrew Luck didn’t even get to make his announcement, because in a world of “I have to be the first to break this story”, the actual way an athlete retires is almost not even up to them anymore.

I’d like to start here. Provided below by the best sports twitter page that’s not a parody, NFLUpdate, is a list of players who retired since the end of last season.

So many names. Baldwin has no intentons of returning after countless injuries, Gronk is a walking Frankenstein, Jordy Nelson can barely run anymore and Phil Dawson…well honestly, Phil’s just old as shit. But never the less, guys retiring earlier and earlier is becoming the new norm. Just ask Megatron.

If you REALLY want to feel bad for me, RIP to the best parody account for a single athlete, Capt. Andrew Luck. I’d argue no one in pro sports has ever looked more like they belong in an old time war uniform than Luck.

THE FEELS. ALL OF THE FEELS. I totally understand where Luck’s coming from here though. The dude was the most hit quarterback in a foud year span beating our the human tackle dummy David Carr. HOW under God’s beautiful sun do you not get Andrew Luck, the one prospect in the past century we all knew was going to be elite an offensive line? Or a top receiver? Or a run game?

Oh, I know how. Because Ryan Grigson is a POS crap human who deserves to never smile again. You draft 3 O-Linemen in your time at Indy while having a Franchise QB? Sick. Sick job. So good. The Colts are now cursed forever for even having this dude around.

I leave you with this. Good bye to one of the best humans to ever grace the NFL.

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