If You’re Not Watching Soccer on Sunday, You’re Anti-America

There, I said it. And I stand by what I said. If you refuse to watch either of the American soccer finals on Sunday then you’re no better than a damn commie.  And you don’t want to be a commie now, do you? Both the Women’s and the Men’s US National Teams are playing in cup finals this upcoming Sunday, July 7th, and there are no excuses as to why you shouldn’t tune in to both games.

The 2019 Women’s World Cup is coming to a close with our very own USWNT facing off against the Dutch Women’s team. If you haven’t been watching, (which, if that’s the case, shame on you) the women’s team walked through the group stages with 3 wins and a +18-goal differential. On the backs of Megan Rapinoe and Alex Morgan, the team then beat #4-in-the-world-and-World-Cup-hosts France and #3-in-the-world England in back to back games to reach the final. In addition, Morgan got unanimously declared “Queen of England” after her celebration.

Find a TV and plop your hungover-ass in front of it at 11:00 am to watch our girls bring home the World Cup for the second time in a row.

Hopefully you’re able to find another, or the same if you’re that hungover, TV by 7 pm because the USMNT is set to square off with neighbors Mexico for the Gold Cup final. If you ALSO haven’t been watching, Weston McKennie, Christian Pulisic, and Zack Steffen are ushering in a new golden-age of men’s soccer. Or maybe our first golden-age. Time will tell. 5 games played. 15 goals scored, 1 goal conceded. Decent stats if you ask me. However, this final against Mexico will be our young teams first real test. Am I worried? Without a doubt. The Mexican team has veteran players who have been in this spot before. But do I believe that our young guns can beat a team that had to go into extra time (and win with on a penalty) against Haiti? You better believe I do.

11 am and 7 pm. Two big finals for our US teams. Don’t be a loser and watch them. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

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