Smalls’ Official March Madness Picks

Ahhhhhh yes, it’s the best time of the year once again. The time of year that coincides with zero productivity in the workplace and people trying to pretend they actually know sports. It’s a magical time of year where programs like Loyola-Chicago, Butler, Florida Gulf Coast, Wichita State, and UMBC can make everyone fall in love with them for a week before the North Carolinas and Kentuckies of the world come in and remind people the underdog never actually comes out on top in the end. The waves of emotion are monstrous over the course of the first four days, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I f*****g love March Madness. I’m definitely a bigger college football guy overall, but there’s something about the tourney that just gets me going.

Now before I give you guys my bracket to tear apart, I wanted to give you a few more of my March Madness Picks…


My official over-under for the number of times the phrase “We’re taking it one game at a time” is said in post-game interviews through the first three rounds of the tournament.

Official pick: Over


My official over-under for the number of times the phrase “You can’t teach that” is said during the coverage of Zion’s first-round game.

Official pick: Over


My official over-under for the number of times an announcer says the phrase “You couldn’t have written a better script” during the first round.

Official pick: Over


My official over-under for the number of times Reggie Miller says the phrase “Are you kidding me?!” during one of his first-round games.

Official pick: Over


My official odds for Virginia losing in the second round, especially now that everyone is saying it actually could be their year and my dumb a** actually has them going to the Elite Eight. I guess I’ll never learn.

Official pick: Put $1,000 on that b***h.

So without further ado, here’s my 2019 March Madness bracket. Have at it, you heathens.

If you think you can make better picks than me (which I can guarantee you can), join our Thoughts From The Bench Bracket Challenge through ESPN. Create your bracket, join the “TFTB March Madness” group, and laugh at me as my $10 entry fee disappears before the first round even ends.

One more note: let’s make sure we all quit our day jobs to go watch basketball at a chain restaurant like B-Dubs is trying to tell us to do. There’s nothing like making short-sighted decisions for the love of sports. Happy March!

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