The 8 A.M. Session – A Non-Hockey Fans Playoff Bracket – Round 1

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I am, in every way possible, someone who just pays attention to hockey during the playoffs. I understand the die hard hockey fans don’t really appreciate my demographic of hockey fandom and I don’t totally blame them…but you better bet your ass I’m watching the playoffs as intense as humanly possible. So if you are a bad fan like me, you might not be aware that that the NHL does a bracket challenge thingy for the playoffs. So for kicks, let’s go through a none hockey fans playoff bracket thought process. 

1st Round  

#1 Nashville vs WC Colorado – Ok so Nashville was in the finals last year and the throw catfish which is kind of dope. I also think they still have Subban who I like. And Carrie Underwood, shes married to that one dude. Colorado was in that one South Park episode where the baby hockey team played them and died, but I don’t really like them.

Winner – Nashville Preds 

#2 Winnipeg Jets vs Minnesota Wild – The Jets are good? I remember they had a dude named Wheeler but I only remembered that cause of the kid Pete Wheeler in backyard sports. I would pretend he grew up and played hockey, but he was way better at football cause he was so fast. I think I like the Wild? They had a guy. I don’t remember who the guy was they had I knew but they had a guy. But I do like when Canadian teams make the playoffs. 

Winner – Winnipeg Jets

#1 Las Vegas Golden Knights vs  WC Las Angeles Kings – OOOOOO dude I’ve been a Golden Knight fan for years. Loved them in the early 2000’s. I’ve made that joke so many times and people think I really don’t know they started this year, but it gets a laugh. Plus Fleury. He’s awesome. The Kings were cool when they went to the finals with Quick….did they have Quick? They for sure have Dustin Brown or something like that. 

Winner – Las Vegas Golden Knights 

#2 Anaheim Ducks vs #3 San Jose Sharks – If they would have remained the Mighty Ducks with that color layout I totally would pick them every year but Disney is so dumb. The Ducks are cool I think? I can’t remember but they also had a couple guys I know. If I googled it that might help my memory, but that’s a lot of work. The Sharks got that Burns bro that looks like a WWE wrestler and cool colors. O wow it’s the battle of California teams. That’s neat. 

Winner – San Jose Sharks

#1 Tampa Bay Lightening vs WC New Jersey Devils – Weirdly, I might know the most about these two teams I think. The Lightening had Lecavalier or whatever and they started a rookie goalie when Murray was in for us so it was a big deal. I also used to be obsessed with St. Louis, dudes like a five foot five walk on and a stud at that. The Devils had that Brodeour goalie and he was legit AF. I couldn’t name a single player on either roster sadly, even though that really sick goal scoring dude is on Tampa. Fudge, what is his name. 

Winner – Tampa Bay Lightening

#2 Boston Bruins vs #3 Toronto Maple Leafs – I love that they aren’t the leaves, they are the leafs. I know they are pronounced the leaves, but we really just got lazy and stopped saying leafs. They have that Austin Matthews kid…I think? I feel like they’re good. Canadians grew up on this shit. The Bruins are just annoying, I really don’t know why but I don’t like them. How do you go from one amazing goalie to another amazing goalie instantly and I can’t think of any of their names. Merchand? Is that a dude?

Winner – Toronto Maple Leafs

#1 Washington Capitals vs WC Columbus Blue Jackets – The Capitols always choke. They win the division about every year and they don’t actually win. I feel like this is the time for an upset pick except…I know nothing about the Blue Jackets. I am all for patriot type crap though so I feel them going the pandering route when picking a name. Do the Caps have T.J. Oshie still? Dude was so sick for that one night. 

Winner – Columbus Blue Jackets 

#2 Pittsburgh Penguins vs #3 Philadelphia Flyers – Alright in all seriousness, as long as we get past this round I don’t care what happens. Yes, a three peat cup winning would be legendary, but back to back Stanley Cups is a daunting task…but just beat the Flyers. Philadelphia is legit the worst fan base for any sport. They’re greatest athlete of all time is a fictional boxer. They had that bro from Brazil, like, GTFO dude there’s no ice down there how did you figure this exact skill out on your own while an entire nation played soccer. 

Winner – Pittsburgh Penguins

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