So if you listened to any of the Two Beers Deep podcast, you might have caught a segment that Greg and I are going to be reviving in a video format for 2018, and this is a segment that I wasn’t sure how to create. The idea came from my insane madness with the rules in baseball. I don’t get a lot of things about the sport. Baseball seems simple enough, you use the wooden club to beat the shit out of the small white ball thrown by a fellow who could be any form of the male anatomy. It still brings me great Joe that fat guys like Bartolo Colon are not only cult heroes, but recently had a decent season with the Mets. Look, I know most of the answers are going to be “Because it’s Baseball”, but that’s just not good enough.
The first and most important question that I could ask about baseball is why they make the 50+ year old manager wear the same uniform as the players. I’m sure some managers like it and hell, Joe Madden looks like your 7th grade science teacher on Halloween, but in theory it just doesn’t make sense…unless we do this in every sport. Please let that toad Bill Belichick waddle onto the field Sunday’s sporting some shoulder pads and a Riddell helmet. Nothing would bring me more joy than seeing Greg Popovich sporting a swingman jersey against the Rockets. Probably the most fun of all of these scenarios would have to be the Pen’s coach Mike Sullivan cautiously step behind the bench with a pair of skates on and a stick that has the dry erase marker on the end of it to draw up plays in the third period. I get it, baseball is just baseball and history will always stand true, but some unity would ease the pain of Clint Hurdle not only ruining the Pirates but doing it while testing the limits of the avenger crotch stitch.
Another aspect of America’s past time I just don’t get is why you can use a composite material bat all the way up till you get to be a professional. The farm system in baseball is understandably the equivalent to the NCAA in almost every other sport making the NCAA baseball season nothing more than a few prospects who was their education (understandably) and guys looking to take their “2015 NCAA Championship Ring” to the monthly sales meeting. I’m not knocking the college baseball programs, but there’s no reason for those guys to be using anything other than a wooden bat. Personally, I want to see Giancarlo Stanton step up in the pinstripes next year wielding a composite weapon of mass destruction and smash one so hard out of Yankee Stadium we question everything we know. There really isn’t a one for one exact crossover to any other sport, because all other sports don’t depend on a tool that can be easily changed with material. I guess that closest thing I can come up with is if the NFL banned these gorilla glue receiver gloves, but the NCAA was allowed to use them. Yeah, the gloves are basically cheating, but man did it make Odell Beckham Jr. a popular man.
The greatest argument against Baseball is the lack of care they have for anyones time. I don’t really notice innings three through six during a baseball game unless there is a massive homer, a pitcher is still on a perfect game, or there’s a fight. The game is just slow and unentertaining at certain parts to the average fan. Don’t worry world, I have solutions to speed up the game. One: Unless the pitch has to do with the batter being out or walked, the umps signal should be final. Get back in the dugout Francona, it was the first pitch of the guys at bat and he doesn’t even care that much. Just don’t argue. Now if it gets a guy out, I love some old fashion first kicking, but that also should be limited to a 20 second display of cock-fighting then a subtle “Eff You”, while the manager heads back to the dugout. Another east way to kill a solid 30 seconds is get the bullpen a Segway. There’s no reason we should have to wait for the guy who is going to throw three pitches slowly jog from the farthest point away from home plate while Wild Thing from the Troggs plays in the background long enough for me to Google who this guy actually is only to find out we’ve had him for seven seasons. Speed that shit up.
I could go on for days, but let’s just start here. Speed it up…and a free hotdog a game wouldn’t kill ticket sales would it?