Quarantine Movie Review: Velocipastor

Throughout this pandemic, activities are limited. So myself and friend of the program Nathan Durant have decided to watch and review blatantly bad or out of the ordinary movies. Today’s topic is the B rate (arguably C rate) thriller, Velocipastor.

Here’s some facts. The movie was released in 2018. It had a minuscule budget of $35,000. It was directed by Brendan Steere and originally started out as a YouTube series, and was turned in to this instant classic which has a run time of approximately only 70 minutes. It can be found on Amazon Prime.

The plot is that a pastor witnesses his parents die and takes a trip to China to clear his mind, where he finds a dinosaur tooth that ends up turning him into a dinosaur at random times. When he returns to the states, he meets a hooker who convinces him to use his powers to kill bad people like pimps, rapists, murderers and so forth. His mentor and lead pastor tries to intervene but can’t stop his ways. Meanwhile there is a group of drug pushing ninjas who know of the Velocipastor and are trying to eliminate him. I don’t want to give everything away so I’m going to make a leap towards the end. He falls in love with the hooker and defeats the ninjas while going FULL dino.

I loved this movie because they play into the fact that it’s SUPPOSED to be a bad movie. They literally used a text box that said “VFX car on fire” to simulate a car exploding. They used visibly detectable dummy heads when someone died. They made plenty of comedic additions to the film to mock most thrillers. The plot was hilarious, the acting was on point for what their motive was, and was brief enough to kill a little over an hour while pleasantly enjoying some mindless entertainment. I score this a 8.5 out of 10 buckets on the Buckets B-Rate Scale. Highly recommend.

Written by benfiore

Sports writer for Thoughts From the Bench. Specializing in NBA and UFC coverage. Author of the NBA focused column, "Beyond the Arc". Bridging the gap between comedy and accurate sports content for your enjoyment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: